PiñaBlog - Not So Sure

Not So Sure

In LifeFaith on 27 December 2005 with 8 comments

I drove down to Fresno today to pick up a CommonFire employee/friend from the train station. The FM transmitter wasn’t working out super well (I was getting static, which sparked this drawn-out imaginative scenario in which Jesus was trying to speak to me through the radio), so I turned it off. I started thinking a lot about blogging. A lot about what I do here. Not what we do here, because I think we’re all doing different things. What I realized:

Designing stresses me out. I’m a perfectionist. And since I don’t know enough about it, it’s never good enough for me.

I don’t know as much as I should about the things I care about. So it’s starting to wear on me as I try to communicate opinions that aren’t fully formed.

Blogging stresses me out. The need to write something. The need to communicate something. I like this new design because it only has one post on the front. It’s slower. I want to be slower.

So I’m going to take it easier, I think. I’m getting pretty high stress lately. All the little things are freaking me out. I’m yelling under my breath. I want to throw things because the TV is stuck in black-and-white mode. Something is not healthy. And I think it’s because next week will be our first time alone in one year. Time away will be good.

8 Comments

The tree design was beautiful. And think of your posting as testimony. These are things God has been engaged you with, but that doesn’t mean you need to be experted necessarily. But the tree design was beautiful.

Posted by anonymous on 27 December 2005 @ 9pm

How are the roads up there? I hear it will be stormy tomorrow.

Posted by ben p on 27 December 2005 @ 10pm

I hope that you find some time to escape from the stress of your work and your life. It is good that you are taking a step back to rethink things - sometimes that is a first step in figuring out what is going wrong. Good luck.

Posted by jill good on 28 December 2005 @ 2am

I too am glad that you’re identifying things that stress you. I had wondered how things were going now that all of your designing had to be within wordpress. Working with templates is a whole new ball game. I’ve only learned enough to hack them a little. Someday I may learn their underlying language better. I’m glad you’re able to identify the stress of it and release yourself from it.

Reflecting on the blogging, when I first met you in the blogosphere you became the social justice guy in my web circle. You seemed to have a passion for it, and often had new information for us. Do you still have that passion? I recall someone at some point being critical of your stuff, but I loved it. I hope whoever that anonymous person was, they didn’t drive you from posting about something you care about.

And thirdly, I’m glad you two are getting some time alone. I would love to be up at Calvin crest some, but I’m a little concerned about the challenges on my marriage if I actually lived there. I hope you have some great time away. I’m a whole different person, and husband when I’m on vacation. (The stress of the mantle of responsibility as a pastor often weighs on me heavily.)

Posted by Bill Ekhardt on 28 December 2005 @ 6am

The tree design was fun, thanks.

Ben, the roads are fine. No snow or ice yet. Rained all night.

Jill, thanks.

Bill, I haven’t forgotten about justice. That’s just one of the things I don’t understand as much as I should. As in, I’m not sure what the right approach is yet. I have a lot of examples, and I think I need to spend some time forming opinions before I write them out for everyone else.

Calvin Crest is actually a wonderful place for our marriage. At least for our marriage. But It has been a while since we’ve had some time to ourselves.

Posted by Cory on 28 December 2005 @ 8am

I have some ideas and values about justice, but not so many answers either. When you’ve put the questions out there, though, I’ve benefited from it. I’ve been edified by your passion and heart.

I’m glad to hear that Calvin Crest is good for your marriage. It might be for mine too, I don’t know. It just appears there would be less alone time there than say in our own home in the middle of Dallas.

Posted by Bill Ekhardt on 28 December 2005 @ 8am

You and Lyndsay are two people that I like a lot. I hope you both enjoy your time away and the slower pace of life that will hopefully follow.

Posted by Janice on 28 December 2005 @ 12pm

bro.

Posted by Geoff on 7 January 2006 @ 6pm

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