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Classroom Fire Hazard and My Letter

In Randomness on 1 December 2007 tagged classroom, editor, fire, letter, satire, school, teaching with 4 comments

I’ve written my first ever Letter to the Editor today regarding an article in the Modesto Bee about removing paper from the walls of classrooms due to the fire hazard. My letter is below:

Concerning fire safety and the removal of paper from the walls of classrooms in “Tear Down That Paper!” (Nov. 29): I would like to make further propositions regarding the safety of our children from the ensuing plague of classroom fires.

First, remove all “standard” paper from the classroom - including books - and replace it with Magician’s “Flash Paper” which burns very quickly leaving little to no ash. It is very thin, but could be the only way to survive. Second, replace all wooden objects in the classroom (cabinets, desks, pencils, etc) with cast iron. In the event of an emergency, said furniture and utensils can - if properly seasoned - also be used for cooking! Lastly, equip all teachers with Ghostbuster-style backpack fire extinguishers.

These steps may seem drastic, but it could be the only way to ensure the safety of our children. Sacrifices have to be made, even if it means forgoing a proper education.

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